


Roll for initiative

by Tiefling_Writes



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Dungeons & Dragons References, F/F, Fantasy Speciesism, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Remus being Remus, Some violence but mostly typical for a dnd game, Speciesism, do i tag this as remus/logan?, idk man remus just flirts with everyone, it takes place in the pocket dimension alternate "everyone is friends" verse, okay so maybe theres a tiny bit of logan/patton, or remus/janus for that matter-, please appreciate how i spent an hour researching how druids and warlocks and patrons work-, who am i kidding its not references the whole thing is about dnd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23975389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiefling_Writes/pseuds/Tiefling_Writes
Summary: Janus ropes the rest of the sides into playing dungeons and dragons.The twins are ecstatic, Logan likes math, Patton is confused and trying his best, and Virgil is having fun.
Comments: 144
Kudos: 179





	1. The adventure begins

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea and i needed to write it because I love dnd and I love sanders sides.

"So this game is meant to help us hone our strategizing abilities, in turn helping Thomas develop his own?" 

" _Exactly,_ Logan. _Right as always._ "

"Oh. Well, thank you–"

An exaggerated groan cut the flustered side off, followed by the thwap-fthwap-thwpth of several laminated pieces of paper. "Come _ON,_ let's get on with it! ahem- please?" Roman sat cross-legged in his chair, and he was very excited about this game. If his fully decked out cosplay was any indication. 

"Yeah! Can we at least share our characters while you do all your _Dungeon Master stuff~ Janus?"_ It seemed that Romans twin was just as excited, and also in full cosplay.

A deep sigh could be heard from behind the DM screen. "Please, Remus, it's 'game master'. Your tone has made sure of that. And yes, why don't you share your characters before we start the first session. Remember, your characters won't have this knowledge about everyone else's characters, no meta-gaming when we star–"

"DEEP IN THE MYSTICAL FOREST–!"

" _OH, So you haven't heard of–!"_

The twins, who had started to read their character backstories at the same time, glared at each other. A silent war of 'you best back down' and 'no you' persisted for twenty tense seconds, before Remus made a 'hmph' sound and crossed his arms. "I get to go next."

Roman, victorious, cleared his throat. "As I was _saying_ , _Deep in the mystical forests lived a clan of elven warriors! Warriors who lived for the glory of battle and heroic deeds! These warriors were led by a matriarch, Venleth Zenris, the clan leader, she could best any foe she came across! No river too wide, no mountain too tall, no foul creature could escape the curse of her blade! No, none could break down the walls of this fierce warrior woman. Until one day, when a lost peasant woman found herself stumbling through the mystical forests. When Venleth and a scouting party found her, the peasant woman, a human by the name Xia Meserk, was shaking from the cold, half dead. It was love at first sight! Venleths clan took her in, and Venleth, the matriarch herself, nursed Xia back to health."_

_"The clan thought this improper but gave their fearless leader the benefit of the doubt. Only, Venleth started to find herself falling for the lovely woman that she'd saved, and Xia had eyes only for her saviour. They began a relationship, keeping it a secret from the clan. Until they could no longer. The pair wanted for a child, a child to raise and nurture as their own. And they prayed, prayed to any god, goddess, deity that would listen. And their wish was granted, in the form of a half-elf baby boy that simply appeared in their house. Knowing that the clan would never accept the boy, and knowing their relationship would never be either, the pair and their child stole away in the dead of night! But they weren't destined for a happy ending... A patrol saw them in the forest, and, assuming they were intruders, loosed arrow upon arrow at them. The first arrow hit Venleth. Xia could not stop to grieve. She had to get her son, their son, to safety. At the border of the forest, it seemed that they were out of the patrol's sights, and she stopped for a moment to breathe. that was the last breath she ever took."_

Roman allowed for a beat of silence at the table, before continuing with his dramatic tale. _"The boy, left in the rain, should have died that night. It was only by the grace of the gods that a young couple of two shepherds found him, and found the graciousness in their hearts to raise him. Edo Cahan grew up ignorant of his heritage, having only the slight elven point of his ears to indicate where he might have come from. Until the magical sensitivity that elven folk possessed showed itself. His beautiful singing voice could preform small wonders, and his playing of the fiddle made lights dance through the air. With this newfound power and a sense of adventure, he bid his adoptive parents goodbye, promising to one day return and tell them of all his amazing quests."_

Roman had barely sat down before Remus jumped on top of the table, causing a few dice to go rolling. "and _Now it's my turn!"_ He crowed, taking out his own character's backstory, and launching into a dramatic tone of his own. " _OH, So you haven't heard of–"_


	2. They were always beside you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus tells the sides his characters back story. Everyone is slightly uncomfortable, but impressed.

“ Oh so you haven’t heard of the nameless bard? Ohohoh, well I’ll be the first to enlighten You!” 

Remus paused, and flipped to the first page of the backstory. 

_ “A man awoke three years ago, awoke to find himself six feet underground. In a panic, he clawed his way through the dirt, and made his way to the surface. Upon reaching the daylight, he saw he was on the side of a dirt road, and that a small, unmarked stone marked where his grave was. You would expect that this is when he’d start to remember what had happened; there was nothing.”  _

“Well that’s kind of a cop out —OOF-!” 

Romans ‘friendly’ jibe was met with a swift kick to chest by Remus, who was still atop the table. Remus glared at his twin, back to his character sheet, andcleared his throat dramatically. 

_“AS I WAS SAYING! There was nothing. He had no memory, he had little idea of how he’d died, he— he didn’t even know who he was. What was his name? He didn’t know. All he could do, was pick himself out of the dirt, shake the wriggling maggots out of his half elven ears—“_

A collective sound of general discomfort and/or disgust rose from around the table, and Remus waited a moment, smiling smugly, before continuing. 

_“—And start walking towards civilization. He walked for days, and as he walked, a single memory came to him; a song. Barely even a song, just the beginning of a tune, a tune he began to hum to pass the time. As he hummed, he could feel a sense of self being restored. No memories just yet, but a feeling, something that he would later come to realize as magic.”_

_“He made it to the nearest town and did odd-jobs for awhile, before he started singing in a few taverns, his voice was enchanting. Sometimes people would ask the name of this mysterious performer, and always, without fail, he would shrug, give a sultry wink, and keep singing. Still though, he wanted to know more of his past, and he knew he wouldn’t find it in this little seaside town. So when a ship pulled into port, looking for a crew, he happily jumped aboard, and became a loyal memberon the deck of ‘The Moaning Siren’. He would sail the seas, and search for his lost past, all while humming a familiar tune.”_

With that, Remus stepped off the table, and sat back down. Pattons clapping broke the silence. “That was great! Even in the game you and Roman are twinning! Did you two plan this or—?” 

Roman looked somewhat annoyed. “No we didn’t plan this! The party just  can’t have two half elf bards-“ 

Remus reached across the table, as if to grab at Romans character sheet. “Okay! You can make a new character and  I’ll  be the parties bard!” 

Another petty argument was surely about to begin, so Janus cleared his throat behind the DM screen. “The party can have two bards. I’m sure you’ll both choose different subclasses when the time comes, it’s fine.” The twins glared at each other once more, and finally nodded.

“Of course.”

“Anything you say  _dungeon master~_ ” 

Another sigh was heard, and Janus gestured towards Patton. “Patton, why don’t you share yours next?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really like this chapter but I couldn’t think of something that Remus would come up with that wasn’t too nsfw?? So I settled for sibling rivalry humour instead. 
> 
> Also I wrote this on my phone so the format may be weird? I’m not sure


	3. your nerdy bestfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Virgil share their backstories.
> 
> And really, who cares about borderline self-inserts when it's all in good fun?

"Patton, why don't you share yours next?"

"Well, kiddo I'm glad you asked!" Patton shuffled around in his bag for a moment, before taking out a little notebook. It was a pastel kitten print one, like something from a––overpriced––scholastic book fair. The fatherly side grinned and began reading off his notes. 

_"Prixi Tover is a gnome, a baker, and a warlock with an Archfey patron!"_

There were some surprised looks from around the table. A warlock wasn't the choice anyone was expecting from Patton. 

_"For the first hundred years of his life, he lived in a small gnome settlement and apprenticed for the local baker but after his mentor passed on Prixi became the owner of the bakery. One day he went to wander in the forest for some berries until he fell into a pond! Prixi didn't know how to swim, and he thought he was going to drown! Then a piece of rock extended into the–"_

Remus snickered and seemed like he was about to comment on that. Roman elbowed his twin in the gut before he was able to. 

_"–seemed to extend into the pond, far enough so Prixi could get a grip on it and pull himself out. He looked around, wet and confused, to see someone standing above him."_

_"_ Haven't we all?" Remus remarked with a snicker, which was met by a confused look from Patton and an exasperated groan from everyone else. 

"I dunno kiddo, that's a really specific thing to happen to someone?" 

Remus looked delighted and like he was about to tell Patton something no one wanted the fatherly side to know about. 

" _ANYWAY_. Patton, continue with your story, please." Janus interrupted, gesturing for Patton to continue. 

"Sure thing! _He saw someone standing above him, the person who'd helped him. And that person was Drifting Cloud, Virgil's character!_ Take it away kiddo!"

Virgil glanced around at all the eyes now on him and shrunk a little further in his hoodie. Though with an encouraging look from Patton he took out his notebook, this one looking like the 'edgy' dragon journal you'd get from the––still overpriced––scholastic book fair.

_"Drifting Cloud is a tabaxi druid. His clan, the clan of falling rain, was druidic which is how he learned the craft. About five years ago a tribe of orcs began to lay waste to the lands that his clan protected. Drifting Cloud was considered too young to fight at the time, so he and his older sister Guiding Light were sent away until the fighting was over. While having to sneak through orc territory, the pair were spotted and they had to run. Guiding Light didn't make it out. They had just made it to the outskirt of the forest before a thrown spear felled her, and Drifting Cloud tumbled forward into the bushes. He hid there while the orcs collected the spear from his sister’s corpse, and waited there for what felt like hours in case they came back."_

_"Drifting Cloud had no idea of what to do. He was so far from home and his Guiding Light has just been snuffed out. So he ran into the forest. For the next five years, he wandered about. Luckily the druidic teachings of his clan had taught him something of living off nature so food and water weren't a problem. One day, he was debating whether or not to go into the small gnome settlement he'd found when he heard a shriek and a splash come from the pond where he collected his water. He ran to the source and saw a gnome drowning. Drifting Cloud quickly used one of the few spells he knew to help the gnome out of the water._ Patton, you can say the rest."

Patton smiled and continued the story. _"Prixi saw how rough Drifting Cloud seemed and offered to bring him back to the village. Just for some food and a warm place to stay for a night, he didn't have to stay if he didn't want to. But the Tabaxi ended up sticking around and helping Prixi out at the bakery. One day though, Prixi learned of his friend's story and vowed to help him return to his home. Prixi knew he wasn't strong enough to make a journey like that; he wasn't a fighter or fancy spell caster. He was only a baker. Prixi wanted to be strong enough to help his friend, so he went to the village's area of worship, where he saw several small shrines for different entities. He stumbled upon one, the green lord. He knew that Drifting Cloud was very connected with nature, so Prixi thought that reaching out to this fey of nature would work. And it did."_

Patton paused, a giddy expression on his face. It was like he wanted to have the effect of a dramatic pause but he was far too excited to let it go on for long.

_"He made a pact with an archfey and felt that he was ready to help his friend get back home. So the two friends set off together!"_

"So, Prixi made a pact with an otherwordly being, just to help out a friend? And he doesn't know what that otherworldly being will require him to do? Asked Logan, looking impressed and somewhat amused. 

Roman interrupted before Paton could respond to that. "I like it! It's a truly noble goal to help a certain storm cloud." He said with a look towards Virgil. 

Janus shuffled a few papers from behind the DM screen. "Wonderful idea on the combined backstories there. Now, all we have left is Logan."

With that, all eyes turned to Logan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that Patton and Virgil would be the types that are excited about the game but don't know that much about it. Which is why I made their characters more self-insert ish than Roman and Remus's. Also, I promise that this story is going somewhere other than an excuse for me to do a character study! That reason will be revealed *after* Logan shares his story though.
> 
> and Brightside- I like this a lot better than Remus's chapter. I may end up redoing his, not sure about that yet though.


	4. and the DM to guide you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan tells the story of his (very attractive) half-orc character. 
> 
> And Janus has a surprise for his players...

Logan adjusted his glasses and straightened his tie. He looked like he was about to speak at a job interview rather than a dnd session with family. 

_"A half-orc child called Felowair stumbled into a forest. Where golden light would usually stream through the leaves, a deep purple illuminated the woods instead. Dread filled the boy when he realized he didn't recognize anything. the crimson of the leaves and violet of the grass were foreign to his eyes. Had he not been terrified, he would have thought that this was beautiful, but beauty was the farthest thing from his mind right now."_

_"With nothing to do but wander, he did so. What else could he do? The boy walked for what felt like hours, and eventually, he found himself exhausted. And still no closer to home. Pink patches of bouncy moss caught his attention, and in his tired state, he laid down to sleep."_

_"There was a rhyme, a faerytale, a legend, told to him and the other children of his village."_

_"Ne'er stray into the faery domain,_

_for you'll ne'er return again."_

_"He thought about this rhyme, as his mind slowly drifted off to sleep."_

_"When he awoke, he found himself on the edge of the forest, back where he had first entered. A ring of flowers surrounding him. Clasped in his hand was a sheet of papyrus, although it looked greener than that. As if it were a paper made from a leaf. 'I've ordered my subjects to spare thee, for thou are but a child. However, this mercy comes with a simple price; protect us. Protect our home and all like it. Protect this, as I have protected you.' said the leaf, and as the half-orc-child finished reading it, the leaf crumbled in on itself, before blowing away in a nonexistent breeze."_

_"Felowair stumbled home after that, but the papers' orders did not leave his mind. He took the newfound duty from his mysterious savior very seriously, as a child does. And he continued to keep his vow as he got older, eventually discovering that he could perform certain magics, and used that gift only to protect nature, as he vowed."_

_"Though his little village was just that; a little village. If he wanted to make a difference, he'd have to travel beyond. So that is what he did, he bid his village goodbye and began his travels with one goal in mind; to protect nature."_

There were a few impressed claps from around the table, and Remus took that opportunity to snatch Logan's character sheet. " _Hey_ –!"

"I cannot _believe_ you managed to leave out such an important detail!" He shrieked, eyeing something on the paper. The other sides looked intrigued, Logan looked confused. 

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. I read out his entire backstory, and Janus has already said that we needn't tell everyone our stats–"

"HE'S FUCKING _HOT!_ "

Remus flipped the character sheet around for everyone to see. In the section for character art was, indeed, a half-orc with rippling muscles, a strong jawline, and shiny yet _ever so slightly_ windblown hair. 

Some of the sides tried to not-so-subtly peek at the illustration, while some of the others (Roman and Remus) simply stared at it, like teenagers staring at a celebrity in a magazine. 

"The way he looks is perfectly justified by his class and backstory. Now would you please return my character sheet, Remus?"

"Sure thing!" Remus handed the sheet back to Logan, and there was another sigh from behind the DM screen. 

_"Well, if you're all done fawning over Felowair's beauty, we have a game to begin. Are you all ready?"_

_"Aye aye!"_

_"Yes sir, dungeon master~"_

_"Of course, kiddo!"_

_"As I'll ever be."_

_"Yes."_

Janus grinned, and everyone felt a little uneasy. Just for a moment. "Then let's begin." The snake-like side snapped his fingers, and suddenly everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahsgdkjsdkds dudes, I had to roll through so much writer's block while writing this chapter. I think I was scared because writing for logan is difficult for me :/ Anyway, I hope it'll get better as I continue to write for him. Oh also, any guesses on what Janus did? ;)


	5. and they rise from the flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus may have gone a bit... extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say this and the last chapter was posted on the same day since it's sorta three am rn...  
> But shhushh! I have a raging headache, no impulse control, and finally some inspiration to write so! I'm taking advantage of it! 
> 
> but I also got too lazy to actually start writing the battle oops–

The sides all groaned and sat up. What had just happened? They'd been about to start a session of dnd and then... blankness. Now they all sat in what seemed to be a grassy field. What part of the mindscape was this? Not the imagination, surely or else the twins would have been less confused. 

Logan spoke up first, and his voice seemed lower than usual. "Does anyone kn–"

" _GUYS. HOLY SHIT–"_ Virgil was, predictably, the first to panic. Though instead of spouting various horrible theories about what had happened, he was looking at his hands. Ah, well, his hand equivalents. Upon inspection, Virgil's hands were instead paw-like and covered in black fur. So were his arms. And instead of a familiar hoodie around his shoulders, he was instead dressed in a black cloak that had a few patches of mauve fabric and white stitching. 

The other sides quickly began looking at themselves as well. They all found that they too had somehow, inexplicably, been transformed into their characters. 

"Janus?!" Logan yelled, not seeing the scaled side anywhere. "What is the meaning of this?"

A disembodied chuckle resonated throughout the sky. Sparsely placed clouds began to twist together to form an almost god-like vision of Janus in the air. "Relax _, Logan. You'll need that half-orc rage for later."_ Janus's cloud formed visage looked down upon all the sides gathered, before launching into a monologue with all the dramatics of a Disney villain.

"You see, I wanted this game to be a fun _immersive_ experience for all involved. And well, that isn't fully achieved by sitting around a table, is it? Thomas has just fallen asleep, so we're all free for the next seven or so hours, which gives us just enough time for a simple little one-shot." 

"And you couldn't have just _asked_ if we wanted to be transformed and–"

"Well Virgil, it's not _my_ fault that you chose to play a furry–"

"Drifting cloud is not a furry _–!"_ Virgil's tail–he had a _tail_ now!–flicked in an agitated movement.

Janus's cloud visage waved a hand. "Sure, sure, whatever you need to tell yourself." Pattering footsteps suddenly became audible, and they were quickly approaching the hill on which the sides stood. Janus's visage clapped with glee. 

"Ooh! but you lot shouldn't be worried about how I've transported you into this game. What you shouldbe worried about are the incoming goblins!"

There were a few panicked or concerned looks from everybody. Janus just cackled as he saw them start to grasp for their weapons and spell components. D20's suddenly appeared in everyone's hands and Janus smiled even wider.

"Now everyone, _roll for initiative."_


	6. For the battle ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first round of combat! 
> 
> And Roman really needs to remember how much health he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is every combat encounter gonna take a while to write because I'm literally rolling dice for all of them..? Yes. Am I willing to torture myself in this way? Unfortunately, also yes.  
> also, all of Janus's disembodied dm-speak will be in italics.

Little cackling creatures ran up the hill, and time seemed to freeze. _"Roll the dice now fellas, toss them up into the air!"_

Remus was the first to toss his die up into the air. He watched it float for a second before it landed on a two. "Agh! Damnit!" 

_"Don't worry Remus, with your initiative bonus, it's a five now."_

"Oh, wow that's sooooo much better!" 

The other sides tossed their dice into the air. The numbers shone in a semi-translucent mist before dissipating from view. 

Suddenly, time unfroze and Janus's cloud form was gone. Only his disembodied voice rang out, "Oh _Drifting Cloud_ , you rolled highest on initiative, it's your turn!" 

"Uh-"

_"Don't dally too much, you only have six seconds."_

"Uh- I attack with my scimitar?!" Nothing happened, and Virgil remembered that this 'immersive' experience probably meant they all had to do what they wanted to do, instead of simply saying so. So that's just what he did. He stepped forward and swung out at a goblin. 

The goblin sneered, ducking away, and Janus's voice sounded off once more. _"You rolled a four plus four, rotten luck Virgil."_

With an initiative of eleven, Patton was up next. "Oh geez– why _are_ they attacking us?! Maybe we can talk this out?" He turned to one of the goblins, waving his hands in the air. "Hey, wait! stop the fighting! What do you guys want?"

Janus just chuckled. _"Roll for persuasion."_

Another translucent d20 appeared above Patton's head, spinning in midair before landing on a two, which translated to a four with Patton's persuasion bonus. 

The goblins just sneered and raised their weapons again. The one Patton had tried to talk to snarled something in goblin that none of them could understand. It was probably an insult. 

"That was your action, Patton. So sorry." Patton backed a few feet away from the goblin hoard, and another die appeared over Roman's head. 

Roman stepped forward, holding a hand axe instead of his normal katana. "Begone, foul creature!" He swung the axe at the goblin who'd sneered at Patton. As he did so, the die spun above his head, landing on a twelve, adding up to fifteen with his attack bonus. His axe collided with the goblins shoulder and another die spun above the goblins head. The die landed on a six, and the goblin dropped dead to the ground, its' grey arm completely ripped off. "Oh, _gross_ –" 

Remus bounded forward at the same time as Logan. Remus just...shrieked at a goblin. A very high pitched, overly irritating, nails-on-a-chalkboard screech. Strangely enough, a die spun above the goblins head, landing on a four. The goblin seemed very put off by Remus's shriek, clutching at its ears as it took four damage from that, rather unconventional, vicious mockery. The bard smiled and waved at Logan, "Go get em, Felowair! You're super sexy!"

Logan would have taken this as Remus being Remus if another d6 hadn't just appeared above his head. 

_"Well, that was certainly... a use of bardic inspiration if I've ever seen one."_ Janus's amused voice said from the sky. 

Logan rolled his eyes–which didn't have glasses over them now–and jabbed towards a goblin with his javelin. The d20 and d6 both spun above his head, equaling a 14 between the two of them and a becoming a 19 with his bonus. 

The javelin drove right into the goblin's torso, where a spray of blood coated the grass in front of it. The goblin shrieked before a croaking sound came from its throat, and it fell to the ground, dead. 

Next, the remaining goblins screamed out their battle cries. The creatures saw two of their clan felled by the prey, and they lusted for blood. Two aimed their crossbows at Roman, and the other two aimed their crossbows at Logan. Translucent d20's spun over the goblin's heads. 

18, 18, 3, and 2. 

Both bolts aimed at Roman hit their mark, and two d6's spun above his head. He took nine damage in total. "Aghh! Curse you, you–! Why am I so light-headed now..?" Blood was flowing from his wounds, soaking his white billowy shirt with crimson.

_"Well, it may have something to do with you having four hp left. You're a support class, and level two. Might want to mind that, Roman."_

Roman glared up at the sky, shaking his fist at where he thought Janus might, approximately, be. 

Meanwhile, Logan was doing just fine. Both bolts aimed at him missed, and as they did so, Virgil rushed forward to take his turn. 

This was only their second round of combat, but it felt like so much more time had gone by. He could tell this was going to be a _very_ long game. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: OH! I'll use my dice to roll for all their actions! so that way it'll be super authentic!
> 
> My Dice: *almost kill Roman"
> 
> me: so maybe this was a bad idea


	7. Villains beware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's more of a filler chapter than usual... but ya'll get to learn some of the character's stats if you're interested in that
> 
> Also, the sides indulge in comparing their stats. Remus is disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all of Janus's dm speech is in italics

A few rounds of combat later, and the party was doing...less than ideal. 

The dice has royally screwed them over, and only now were they waking up, to find that those goblins had robbed all their coin. Remus, Logan, and Patton had all been dropped to zero hit points. Remus had seemed to forget he had a minus one to strength, Patton didn't want to resort to violence, and Logan didn't have such good luck with the dice. 

Luckily, Virgil and Roman both had enough cure wounds spells to make sure their party members lived. 

Soon enough, everyone was once again conscious and restored to at least half of their health. 

"I can't _believe_ that goblin avoided my seduction!"

"I don't get why they didn't just want to talk things out..."

"Being impaled is a very unpleasant feeling."

Janus's voice cut through the sky once more. _"So, you mighty heroes have just been robbed of all your gold, two of your party members are out of spell slots, and most of you are at half-health. What are you doing?"_

"Well, we have to go after those goblins! We can't allow them to rob us and tarnish our honour–"

Virgil and Remus chimed in at once, "What honour?"

Roman looked annoyed by that and like he was about to say something before Patton cut in. "Oh hey! I just realized, should we be calling each other by our character names? 'Cause we're sorta in the game for real now?"

At once, the twins exclaimed "YES!"

Virgil shrugged, and Logan started to say "Well it's not exactly necessary–" 

Roman–or Edo as he would insist now–groaned. "Come on! Get into the spirit of the game! 

Logan sighed. "Fine then. Greetings to you all. I am Felowair, and I've never met any of you before this moment." He said in a somewhat robotic tone. It might be interpreted as his brand of sarcasm by some.

Patton grinned. "Oh! it's like those 'get to know each other' introduction games that used to happen on the first day of school. Lo– I mean, Felowair, tell us something about yourself!"

'Felowair' went to adjust his glasses, though they weren't there anymore. "I can speak Common, Giant, and Orc." He repeated that phrase in each of the languages, as proof. 

Patton clapped, impressed. "Okay! I'll go next! Hi guys, I'm Prixi Trover, and I run a bakery!" 'Prixi' was a short gnome with a rather friendly looking demeanour. His hair was a dirty blonde and gathered into one big braid at the front, and the same went for his beard. 

"We already knew that–"

"Nope! No, you didn't. Janus said no me– meta... mega... metagaming! No metagaming!"

Remus sat up from his spot on the ground. He looked mostly the same as before, though now he sported half-elven ears and a less royal outfit. "I'll go next! I'm a performer, who will not be divulging my name to you simpletons. My hobbies including striking chords and blowing flutes." He winked at the end of his introduction, and there was an exasperated sigh, that didn't seem to come from anyone on the hill. 

Roman struck a pose next, while not so subtly sending a glare at the parties other bard. " _I_ am a performer as well! Edo Cahan at your service and I'm sure its a pleasure for all of you to meet me."

Virgil stepped forward, raising a paw as if to get everyone's attention. "Okay well great to meet you all. I'm Drifting Cloud. Shouldn't we be discussing what to do next?" he muttered under his breath "Y'know, as the dm said?"

Logan clapped once. "Yes! To my understanding, this game is a never-ending maze of strategic thinking and problem-solving. So we should be discussing how to navigate our latest problem–"

"nuh-uh UH!" Remus cut in. "Not today calculator watch! Remember that we're getting into the _roleplay spirit~?_ Well, that means YOU have to stay true to that minus one intelligence on your character sheet."

"That's preposterous, there's no benefit towards the party if I do that–"

"Duh, there's not any benefit! That's why it's a minus! The character you made is basically a himbo!"

Logan, once again, looked confused. "Wha– _a_ _himbo_? I'm not sure what that means but fine. Apparently, since I am unallowed to strategize, who here has the highest intelligence score?"

The rest of the party looked around at each other. Patton and Roman both had intelligence scores of ten, while Remus had one of twelve. "Well looks like I get to be our strategy man–!"

"I've got a score of fourteen, actually."

"Wait–"

"I'm just going by the numbers. Like you said to." Virgil's tone was rather smug, and the expression on his face might have been a smirk if it hadn't been the face of a cat. Unfortunately, a cat's smug face looked a little dumb, rather than clever and conniving. 

"Fiiiiiiiine. If you're our oh-so-smart strategy cat now, what should we do?"

Virgil shrugged. "Well, the answer is obvious..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not characterizing Remus correctly and it's bothering me but I promise I'm trying!
> 
> Also yeah if you saw a musical reference in this chapter it was probably on purpose ;)


	8. cause you're bout to be dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the use of having the highest intelligence again?

"Well, the answer is obvious..."

Everyone leaned forward, waiting for Virgil to reveal his cunning plan.

"We run away and forget about the goblins."

Various sounds of disagreement, confusion, and alarm broke out. 

"Okaaaaay!" Remus pushed Virgil out of the way, taking the figurative spotlight for himself now, "I take back the numbers game. We need someone other than Katherine Coward to be the party's strategizer." 

Virgil's ears twitched, and his tail flicked. "Well, _you_ can't be our strategizer. You'll steer us off a cliff! Besides, we couldn't fight six goblins. How could we fight an entire clan?"

The bard just patted Virgil's head–which earned him a hiss–and went on to explain his plan to the party. 

"We must go to the goblins! They took us by surprise last time, but this time we'll take _them_ by surprise!"

"They didn't take us by surprise, we just sucked."

"We did not suck! And I should know, that's one of my specialities." 

Patton chimed in. "Oh, I don't think that's true, kiddo! You don't suck you're great at a lot of things!"

Roman and Virgil both wore incredibly pained expressions. It was Roman who tried to jump in next. "Er– he's not talking about that kind of–"

"Let's just move _on_!" Virgil exclaimed, his tone shrill and urgent. 

Patton shrugged. "Well my intelligence score isn't so high, but I've got an idea?"

"Please, Prix, share with the party."

"Well, I figured that since we got robbed by the goblins, maybe they needed the gold? Yknow? So we could go find them, and possibly help them out? I mean, they didn't kill us! And they very well could have, so I think that means they're just struggling! If we help them stop struggling, then they won't need to steal from people anymore!" 

"I think that's a great idea. We should go with what Prixi has said."

All eyes turned to Logan, who looked incredibly pained. Upon seeing all the confused looks thrown his way, he explained. "Remus said I should stay true to Felowair's intelligence. Therefore, I' I agreed to go along with the plan that's least likely to succeed."

"Thanks, Felowair! I think...?"

"Happy to help, Prixi."

"Okay, so this means we _definitely_ aren't going to the goblin camp right?" Virgil asked. 

"Actually, storm cloud–"

"It's _drifting_ cloud."

"I know what I said." Roman continued, making grand and sweeping gestures as he spoke. "We are a group, correct? Well in groups it's majority rules! and you seem to be the only one that doesn't want to go to the goblin camp soooo...." 

Virgil groaned and threw his hands in the air. "Fine! We can go to the goblin camp. Don't beg me to heal you all when we, inevitably, crash and burn and die."

Patton skipped forward and slung his arm around Virgil's shoulders. "That's the spirit, kiddo!"

_Janus finally chimed in. "So you'll be heading towards the goblin encampment? The goblin encampment that is in a location unknown to all of you?"_

Roman started to confidently nod. "Yes–! Oh. Huh. We didn't think about that."

_"Obviously. Well if you want to track the goblins, one of you will have to roll for survival. I believe Drifting Cloud has the highest survival modifier. So, Virgil, if you'd do the honours."_

Another d20 appeared in Virgil's paw. He looked down at the die with an irritated frown before tossing it into the sky. The party watched with growing anticipation as the little game piece spun in mid-air, and finally landed on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure about everyone's characterization this time around. I finished and edited this chapter at 3 am sooooo that may be why...
> 
> Also if you see a musical reference, as always, it was purposeful.


	9. they got magic and flair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More arguing and shenanigans.

Virgil groaned when he saw the die's result. _18_. 18! What were the odds? Well, technically one out of twenty, but that was beside the point! 

_"Well done Drifting Cloud, with your survival bonus that 18 becomes a 20."_

Virgil must have been the first person to be upset by a total of twenty. He sighed in exasperation as he looked out onto the surrounding hills and valleys, and saw wagon trails and goblin footprints. 

"Weeeeeeeeelllllllllllll Stormcloud...?" 

Virgil resisted his urge to claw Remus across the face. It would be a waste of a cure wounds spell. "Yeah, I see where they went." He pointed west towards the setting sun. 

"Yes! Let's go and chop off all their dic–!" 

Roman put his brother in a chokehold before he could finish that sentence. 

"We are _not_ doing what you were about to suggest! We'll take our coin back _–maybe kill a few of them–_ but there will be no chopping off...essential bits." 

Remus rolled his eyes and bit Roman's hand so that he'd let go. "You're no fun!"

"We're a party of noble warriors! We can't go stooping to the level of common thieves and murderers!"

"Who said that?! I don't remember Janus saying this _has_ to be a good campaign. Who knows! We could all be future villains, and this one-shot is paving the way to our spiral of dastardly deeds!" 

Clouds shifted in the sky. Janus had to–privately–admit that an evil campaign, especially one where Remus was involved, sent a surge of pure fear through him. 

"What?" Patton looked conflicted, heartbroken, almost. "We're not an evil party, right?"

Logan sighed. "Of course not Prixi. And as the parties paladin, I believe that means I am responsible for keeping us on the straight and narrow–"

"But we're gay?"

" _Figuratively_ , Prixi." He muttered under his breath, "And somehow I'm the one stuck with a minus one intelligence?" 

"huh?"

"Nothing. Anyway, I'll be performing that duty now onward." He walked over to the twins, who's discussion had dissolved into a slap fight. Instead of trying to peace keep or talk the two out of fighting–that would require them to be able to listen to reason–he simply picked up Remus and put him back on the ground ten feet away from Roman, well out of melee distance. 

"Ooh~ Felowair, you're so forward!"

"Yes? I'm still facing forward, I usually am."

Remus sighed. "Nevermind."

Virgil still stood aways away, arms crossed. His tail twitched back and forth. "Not to interrupt your fight, but can we at least take a long rest before we go to the goblin camp? Roman and I used all our spell slots to keep you guys alive, and we sorta need those back."

"Ohhh yeah. I'm tapped out of spells for the day." Roman said suddenly remembering he couldn't defeat a clan of goblins with only vicious mockery at his disposal.

Janus cut into the player's conversation, which startled Patton and Virgil. _"So will you all be taking a long rest?"_

There were nods and mutters of agreement all around. 

_"Wonderful timing."_

He wasn't lying when he said that. The setting sun that Virgil had pointed to earlier was much closer to the horizon now, making the sky bleed from blue into reds and oranges. Already, the moon was peeking out from behind a few clouds. 

So the party began to put up a few tents and sleeping bags. Virgil had neither and instead used a mould earth cantrip to make what was basically a small hobbit hole in the ground. 

As the moon rose in the sky, the party settled down to sleep. And  Janus decided it wasn't his fault that no one thought to recommend watch shifts. The party didn't know, but he grinned and wrote a few notes into a journal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last bit of filler chapter I swear! I know the last two have been sorta filler-ish as well and I won't spoil anything but the next chapter will have more action


	10. they got daggers and cunning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lesson in why players should take watch shifts during a long rest.

In the real world, well, slightly more real-world, Janus scribbled furiously in a notebook. His players were oh-so chaotic and unaware of everything they did. Oh, he was going to have such fun turning their carelessness, all their recklessness back around on them! Hm, maybe Virgil was right about him. He supposed he could be quite devious when the situation called for it. 

He gazed down at the wonderfully crafted game table and smiled upon seeing, in the place of mini's, the little sleeping forms of the other sides. What? It wasn't creepy. How else was he supposed to be fully omniscient without the help of some illusory mind magic?

He glanced over his planned encounter notes, tapping a pencil on the edge of the page. "Hmm...I suppose a hill giant is a _little_ mean to throw at them now, but I've got to teach them a little bit of caution." He pulled a little drawer out from the table and rummaged around before finally pulling out a suitable mini. He grinned, "Let's see if Roman still identifies as a Gryffindor after this."

Soon it was the middle of the night, verging on one am. Not a soul was awake, but above their heads appeared numbers. These numbers being their passive perception stats. 

An earsplitting screech broke through the night air, and Virgil jolted awake. His fur stood on end as he let out a hiss of alarm. He looked around frantically, his darkvision allowing him to see in the dim light that the crescent moon cast. Virgil hadn't watched the sky. 

Another shriek went off behind Virgil, and he was suddenly thrown forward. As this happened, time froze once more.

_"Sorry, Virgil. Sometimes it sucks to be the one with the highest passive perception."_

Virgil watched a d20 spin over his head, and he could hear the dice spinning above the heads of everyone else even though they were sleeping. His own die landed on a seventeen, and time unfroze. 

Before Virgil could even push himself off the ground, a clawed creature came down from the sky and raked across his back. He gasped, feeling blood stream down his body. "A little help here!" He screamed to the–somehow–still sleeping party. He touched a hand to one of the deep cuts on his back and cast a cure wounds spell, sighing in relief as a wave of healing magic washed over him. 

The others quickly woke up upon hearing Virgils cry for help. The initiative order flashed in the air twice before dissipating. Pattom was the first to rush forward. He ran to Virgil's side, helping his friend up, before firing a blast of eldritch energy into the air. He couldn't see whatever had attacked Virgil, but he knew he didn't want it to do that again. 

A d20 rolled as the eldritch blast fired into the night. _9_. Just enough to hit when his spell modifier was added. 

There was another shriek from the sky as that eldritch blast illuminated the mysterious attacker enough for the party to see. A griffon. A huge beast with massive claws, claws that were already soaked with Virgil's blood. 

Virgil, being next in the initiative order, made use of the druid wildshape ability. A moment later, where the tabaxi once stood, was now a snarling wolf. Virgil, teeth bared, took a running leap at the griffon that had attacked him. _14_. His fangs latched onto the griffon's leg all the while he growled at his attacker. 

The griffon let out a pained shriek. 

Roman's vision was still slightly fuzzy from being abruptly awakened. Nevertheless, he yelled in the direction of Virgil's assailant. "Hey! Get out of here you- you jerk!"

" _Really_?" Logan asked incredulously. 

"Be _quiet_ , Donald-dork! I need beauty sleep to come up with creative insults!"

"Yet you could come up with Donald-dork just fine–"

Despite lacking creativity, the vicious mockery was effective. As the creature squawked and shook its head wildly, Logan chucked a spear at it. _15_. The spear connected with the beast's wing, causing it to falter in the air like it was about to drop. 

Remus was the last to wake and, upon seeing the other party members engaged in combat with the griffon, he reached into his bag in a panic. The first thing he'd grabbed onto was a dagger, so he chucked the blade at the griffon. _18_. 

Remus punched a fist into the air, a celebratory "whoop!" on his tongue when the floating die spun again. _9_. The dagger sailed right over the head of the griffon, who suddenly fixed its furious gaze at him. 

The shocked bard looked up at the sky. "Hey, J-Anus! What the _fuck_ was that!?" 

While he was distracted the griffon shrieked once again, and launched itself towards Remus. Only when he had taken seven points of damage and was clutched in the claws of the beast did Janus respond. 

_"That was rolling with disadvantage. You didn't think you'd be able to throw a dagger accurately after just having woken up, did you?"_ There was another chuckle, then Janus's voice was gone once again. 

Remus decided he didn't like griffons or daggers at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soOooOOoO I lost my d4. I have zero ideas where it was except that I know it was on my bed the other day so??? Yeah, Hope, I find it.


	11. they don't see over there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fighting is over and the party has learned their lesson in taking watch shifts. 
> 
> Also, Logan and Pattom have a bonding moment.

Logan let out a battle cry while he swung down with his greatsword. _13._ The sword struck down onto the griffon's back, and a summery green flash of divine magic illuminated the dying beast.

It let out one last horrible shriek then fell dead to the ground, dull purple tongue lolling out of its beak.

With the threat eradicated, the party all collapsed to the ground, exhausted. 

Roman laid flat on his back, blood still trickling from his wounds. "Janus! How could you do this to us?" He yelled up at the sky, flinching as the movement irritated his wounds. 

Moonlit clouds meshed together to form a shape of Janus in the sky. _"_ _Don't blame me."_ He clutched his hands to his chest in mock offence. _"I'm not to blame for you all not taking watch shifts. That's a you problem."_

Roman was about to say something else before Virgil rolled him over to his side "Hey _OW_ –!"

"Be quiet, do you want to be healed or not?"

Roman just crossed his arms, grumbling something. 

Virgil ran a paw over the claw marks that raked over Roman's shoulder blades, and the latter let out a sigh of relief as the healing magic stitched his skin back together. The tabaxi moved over to heal Remus next, who was barely hanging onto life at one hit point. 

After healing the two, he sighed once more and laid on the grass. "Can we try to have a long rest again? _With_ watch shifts this time?" He asked, glaring at the sky. 

Cloud-Janus chuckled. _"You can try. Is that what you all want to do?"_

There were nods of agreement from the party, everyone needed to heal and regain their spell slots. 

_"Right then, who will be taking the first shift?"_

Logan looked at his own injuries and raised his hand. "I will. I barely took damage." 

Patton chimed in. "I will too! We can do our shift together!"

With that, the other party members retired to their original sleeping arrangments. 

Logan and Patton both sat crosslegged on the outskirts of the parties little makeshift camping area as d20's rolled above each of their heads. _6\. and a 9._

Not seeing anything worth noting, Patton turned to logan to pass the time. "Hey, Logan! Er– Felowair, hey Felowair, are you having fun?"

Logan went to adjust his glasses, which still were not there, so he almost ended up poking himself in the eye. "I'm not sure. This is...quite the experience. It would be preferable if Janus hadn't provided the ability to feel pain within this game."

Patton shifted his weight, wincing as one of his bruises was irritated by the movement. "Yeah... It kind of hurts. I think a political intrigue campaign would be more fun, actually. But I'm still having fun, and Janus is doing his best! He's a great storyteller."

Logan's eyes widened, and he stared at Patton before finding his voice again.

"A political intrigue campaign would interest you?"

"Of course! Helping some king or royalty to do the right thing is just like us helping Thomas to do the right thing! Except with more magic and elves." 

There was a nod from Logan, a slow one like he was reevaluating something. "Well, you certainly have a point there. On that note, it seems our watch shift is over, we should wake Vir– Drifting Cloud for his."

"Sure thing! You go ahead and sleep, I'll go wake up Drifting Cloud." 

With a pleasant grin on his face, Patton walked off towards the sleeping hole that Virgil had dug out for himself. "Hey, kiddo," he booped the sleeping tabaxi on the nose. "Wakey wakey."

Virgil looked up, his fur was a mess from both the fighting and sleeping. "Mm? What's wrong Pat?"

"Nothing kiddo, just time for your watch shift. Don't worry though Felowair and I didn't see anything, so you'll be fine!"

Virgil yawned, his fangs gleaming in the moonlight. "Okay, thanks for waking me." 

He used a mould earth cantrip to make a ten-foot watchtower from the packed ground in the centre of the parties makeshift camping spot. He climbed up to the top and sat crosslegged, his tail dangling off the little tower and twitching of its own accord. And as he overlooked the moonlit hills and valleys, a d20 spun over his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to only write out the first bits of a fight scene unless something super interesting happens. I still roll everyone's actions and roll for what happens to them but there are only so many ways to creatively say 'the die spun over their head...'
> 
> also, I swear I wasn't trying to be funny with Logan and Patton's perception rolls. My d20 legitimately rolled a 6 and 9–


	12. there's a monster incoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the goblins stole their food too! 
> 
> Luckily, there's an oh-so-convenient town just across the valley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this took longer than usual to update! I've been distracted by some painting projects. Also, Minecraft videos are addicting–

_Five._ Virgil winced at the low die roll. He began to look around every few moments, his ears twitching every time he thought he heard something. He knew his efforts were in vain though, the die had spoken, and he wouldn't see anything unless it majorly screwed up its stealth roll. If there even  _ was  _ anything. 

Maybe two or three hours later, there was a swoosh of rustling grass. Virgil let out a startled "Merow!", jumping a foot into the air and whirling around to face whatever had tried to sneak up behind him. 

"Calm down, Peter Panic, it's just me." Remus grinned up at the Tabxai on the makeshift watchtower. He was still in the position he'd been caught in, on his toes and slightly hunched over like a tiptoeing cartoon villain. Meanwhile, Virgil's heart rate had returned to normal, and he almost looked calm if not for his fluffed out fur. "What is it?"

"Just here to take over your shift, you can come down from your kitty tower now." He held his arms out, making grabby hand motions. "I'll even catch you!" 

"Absolutely not." Virgil leapt down from the dirt watchtower, while also attempting to put a bit of flair into his landing. He didn't expect that to warrant a dice roll. So as time froze, his heart did too, as he realised how terribly this might go.  _2._

His plus two in acrobatics did nothing to help. Virgil fell flat on to the ground and hissed as he heard Remus cackling madly behind him. 

"Shut up!"

After Virgil had finally stormed back to his bed in the ground, Remus climbed up onto the dirt tower. He kept watch, but he certainly wasn't paying attention, he hadn't even looked at the dice spinning over his head.  _ 12, and 8. _

Whatever things–if there were any–went bump in the night Remus was none the wiser to. He wondered what Janus must be doing right now. Was he planning their collective demise? Was he going to strike down one character to drive the story forward? Ooh! Maybe he'd introduce an absolutely  _ smoking _ hot NPC? Not that Remus didn't already have eyes for a certain paladin...

Golden light eventually began filtering in from the horizon, and as the sun rose, the rest of the party awoke. Everyone would have eaten, but they soon discovered that the thieving goblins had also stolen all their rations.

"I hate this," Virgil muttered as the party walked over hill and valley following the goblin trail. 

"We have to keep going we can't throw away our shot!"

"I will shoot you between the ribs." 

Patton practically shoved himself between Roman and Virgil, before their fighting could escalate. "Hey, kiddos! I know road trips are always hard, especially when there's no food to be found..." As if on cue, his stomach grumbled, "but fighting is not the answer!" 

The two managed to look apologetic. Even with his gnomish stature, Patton still managed to be a figure of authority. "Now maybe," he looked to the group, still grinning, "we could pause following the goblins, and look for a town so we can get a spot of food."

There were general sounds of agreement all around. 

"Great! Let's go find a town then!"

The second that was said, though there was no input from Janus, the party suddenly saw the rooftops of a small town in the distance. Perhaps they hadn't seen it before, or possibly it had appeared out of the blue, as if by magic. At any rate, they still walked forward towards the new town, eager to fill their stomachs. 

_And somewhere behind the DM screen, Janus's eyes shone with glee._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean,,, did you expect Janus to give these poor boys a break?


	13. Inspiration Is Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lesson in why you shouldn't sass the dm
> 
> Also, Patton makes the first dad joke of the campaign.

As the party approached the town, Virgil was the first to see the sign stretching above the entrance. 'Ver Hills, Welcome!' Though after the 'welcome', there was a scratched out word or words. 

"Janus? Can I roll perception to see the scratched-out word?" Virgil asked, looking up at the sky.

"Actually, this would be an investigation roll." 

"Can I roll investigation then...?"

Janus's reply was smug. "You'd have to get close to the sign, and it's about forty feet above the ground–"

Virgil didn't let Janus finish before he scampered over to the signs post and started climbing, making it to the top of the sign, in only six seconds. "How about now?" He looked up with a smirk at the sky. 

Janus didn't answer, but a d20 appeared over Virgil's head and began to spin. _20._

Virgil could almost feel his eyes adjust as he inspected the scratched out words, which were 'to all'. He looked back down at the party. "It _used_ to say 'Welcome to all.'" 

"Well, that's weird," Patton started, a slight frown on his face. "Why isn't it welcome to all anymore–"

_"Hey, you! Get off the Town sign!"_

Virgil froze, his tail puffing up as he was startled. In his panic, he lost his footing and fell from the sign, and as he fell, trying to land on his feet, a d20 spun over his head. _20._

He took no damage from the fall, but the party didn't get to congratulate him before two guards rushed over. 

"Explain yourselves! What is your business here, and why was this one," The first guard, who was a taller and muscular man, and had a vaguely French-like accent, gestured to Virgil. "climbing all over city property?"

Both Roman and Remus stepped forward to explain, shooting the other with a glare as they did so. "I'll talk, I have a plus three to charisma," they both muttered in unison, glaring daggers at one another. 

Patton stepped forward instead, smiling his peppy smile at the two guards. "Goblins attacked us and took our coin and food, so we came here to rest up a bit. And uh, well Drifting Cloud just wanted to see the sign better." A d20 spun over Patton's head, _19_. His smile drooped when the die began rolling again. _6._

He glanced up at the sky, hoping for an answer. 

No cloud-visage of Janus formed in the sky, but his voice filled the player's ears. _"You're new to town, and on top of that,"_ he stopped as if he was trying to hold back a chuckle. _"On top of that, none of you are human."_

While Janus had been speaking, the guards–who seemed unaware of Janus–had gone to look at the signpost. Unfortunately, there were multiple, though not very deep, scratch marks from Virgil's claws. "I think," the shorter guard–who also had a vaguely French-like accent– said, "that this one has defaced city property." He looked to the–somewhat confused–party. "That means he needs to be taken to the lawmaster, to decide his fate." 

Virgil's fur was still puffed up, while his tail pointed straight down and almost pressed to the ground. "I don't think that's necessary! It was only an accident." A d20 appeared in the air, though it wasn't above Virgil's head. It rolled over the taller guard instead. _5._

The guard's posture seemed to loosen up the slightest bit. He scratched the back of his head, deliberating the situation. "Ehh... I suppose we can let you off the hook just this once. Run along and don't cause any trouble, and tell your group not to go causing any trouble either." 

Virgil nodded and started quickly walking into town, the shocked party following behind him. 

"Whoa! Drifting Cloud, what was that?" Patton, bouncing on the balls of his feet, asked once they were far enough from the guards. 

Virgil's tail twitched, and he shrunk a little further into his cloak. "Just charm person," he shrugged. "I panicked."

"That was an impressive move. However, shouldn't we be more worried about the fact that we've, apparently, arrived in a town that discriminates–or at least has a bias–against non-humans?" Logan pointed out. 

"Remember Felowair–" Remus started, before Logan cut him off.

"That conclusion was drawn through wisdom rather than intelligence, Felowair has the former in spades. I was _not_ 'metagaming'."

"...I guess that's fair." 

"Hey guys, so by the way, in an hour, that guard is going to know that I charmed him and then we'll _really_ be in trouble so I think that means we need to hurry and find food because otherwise, we're all going to be taken to the lawmaster and obviously we won't get a fair trial because we're not human and also because I literally resisted arrest by using magic so–"

"Whoa! whoa, kiddo, remember to take time for a breath. We're just here to get food, and since we're doing it quickly, it'll be _fast_ food." Patton clasped his hands together, trying not to snicker at his own joke. 

Everyone else just groaned with varying degrees of dramatics, though the dad joke _did_ manage to draw a giggle from Virgil. 

_"Well,"_ Janus chimed in, _"One of you could roll investigation to find a tavern. If you want, of course, by no means do I want to influence your decision making."_

"I'll do it!" Remus yelled, startling a few passersby. Instantly, a d20 appeared over his head and started to spin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I base events in this chapter on a personal DM experience? Where I plopped a magic-heavy party into a town that heavily discriminated against magic users? Because members of that party had pissed me off by being murder hobos?
> 
> I dunno. Maybe.
> 
> also somehow Virgil rolled two natural 20's in a row??? I wish my dice would roll this well when I'm actually playing with people instead of writing a fic


	14. rise up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember what it was like being the only out queer person in your grade? The sides do.

"Ughhhhhhh. We've been searching for forever! Just face it, your measly roll of five—"

"—seven!"

"—fine, of seven, isn't helping. And Storm cloud's spell is going to wear off any moment." 

Patton skipped to the front of the group, "We could just go ask for directions! I'm sure someone will be willing to help us out!" He grinned and glanced around before his gaze landed on a group of teenagers. Two human boys and two human girls, who all looked like they were walking home from school. "There! I'll go ask them!" The gnome then went off in their direction while the rest of the group cringed, calling for him to come back. 

"Hey, Kiddos! You wouldn't happen to know directions to any food places, would you? My friends and I have been looking, but I'm afraid we're super lost." Once again, two translucent dice spun over his head, becoming a seven and thirteen when his bonuses were added. He was not aware that a roll had even been made. 

The teens looked collectively confused for a moment, and it was clear that this was their first time ever seeing a gnome. Or probably any non-human for that matter. Finally, one of the boys spoke up—he looked to be something of a leader in this little group. "The orphanage is downtown. Don't get any ideas, though there are always guards posted around it."

Now was Patton's turn to look confused. "No, no, not an orphanage. _Food_ places. Like a tavern or, uh, a tavern?"

The boy scoffed. "We know just what you mean." And with that, the small group walked off. 

Patton walked back to the party, his head hanging a bit lower than before. "This is like Thomas's middle school years all over again!" 

Roman threw an arm around Patton's shoulder to comfort the gnome. "Teenagers," he said solemnly. "They scare the living sh—"

"Hey, uh, guys." Virgil suddenly spoke up, looking as embarrassed as a cat could. "don't be mad, but I just checked my spells and...well." He opted out of finishing the sentence and instead held out a paw. Instantaneously, five shiny berries appeared out of thin air. "I forgot I had the goodberry spell. One berry sustains any creature for an entire day." 

There was some amount of grumbling—mostly from the twins—but everyone gladly took a berry.

"Thank the gods! We don't have to stay in this wretched village any longer! Roman exclaimed, drawing a bit of passing attention. Nothing significant, or so they thought. 

_As the group started to find their way out of town, Janus began rolling stats._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah!!! I'm sorry for the long wait, and the sub-par chapter! I found motivation in writing for another fandom for a while so I kinda neglected this one a bit. I'm back now and I can't promise a regular update schedule, but I WILL update so theres that at least :)


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